you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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