Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
