We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
