I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
