how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
