you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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