No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
