Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
false alarm, still single
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
