Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
