i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
