Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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