Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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