I wish my penis had an off switch
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
