I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
