Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
being pregnant is like rehab
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
