I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
