found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
