Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I sprained my soul last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
