ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
