dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
