AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
