It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
