We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
