thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
