haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
