Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm just crazy horny about you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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