cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
