they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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