It was confusing and full of hummus
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
