I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
