OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
