I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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