I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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