ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
