Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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