Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
