I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
