Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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