cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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