please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
