I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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