What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
