so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
