she was so not down for the gang bang
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
