We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
