Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
