i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
