You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
