It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
