sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
