sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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