There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
