ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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